Bonds of love

[Brent Kipfer]

In his book, Hold on to your kids, Canadian parenting writer Gordon Neufeld builds a strong case that healthy childhood development requires children to have a stronger emotional bond to parents than to peers. He urges parents to counteract a 50-year North American cultural trend that sees children look increasingly to their peers rather than to their parents for their primary experiences of acceptance, support and direction. Parents, not peers, are equipped to provide a solid foundation for a child’s growth.

I am struck by Dr. Laniak’s description of a healthy lambing event that saw bonding begin between ewe and lamb, shepherd and sheep. It seems that responsible, loving care would continue to build on those bonds of trust over time, enabling the flock to receive all that it needs for health and growth. I recently learned of a pastor and congregation going their separate ways. Despite a number of years together, it seems to me that they never really developed a significant bond with each other. I wonder how many pastor-congregation relationships do not achieve their potential because of inadequate spiritual and emotional attachments. The same question could be asked of employer-employee or teacher-student relationships.

Attachments, of course, can become dysfunctional and abusive. For disciples of Jesus Christ, the bond between sheep and under-shepherd provides context for nurturing the bond between sheep and the Good Shepherd – not the self-seeking agenda of the under-shepherd. In Matthew 18, Jesus issues a call for us to welcome little ones, protect little ones, honour little ones – and then in the parable of the lost sheep, to seek out little ones. As shepherds are faithful in caring, bonds of love develop naturally and for the blessing of the flock.