Different Forms of Wandering
Posted: Fri Jan 11, 2008 7:19 am
My personality is to be loyal, to a fault. Although I certainly realize it can happen to anyone, I am among the least likely to hop from church to church, to let my heart and body wander off and break my marriage vows, to abandon something I started or even shift a timetable once it is established. Even these journal postings. If I set a goal to read the book one chapter a day and post something, I will do all I can to finish on the 40th day of the year, unless something catastrophic intervenes. I even started a day early just to be sure!
But the older I get, the more I realize that’s more of my personality than it is any great spiritual triumph or discipline. That realization opens at least two windows for me. First, I need to recognize that I am equally “prone to wander� as anyone – just in different ways. My wandering is more passive than active. I am among the most likely to read the Bible, pray, sing a hymn, visit the lonely, write a note, perform an act of service, just to check it off my mental or actual “list.� I find myself wandering when my love for God and others is perfunctory, external, going through the motions. This must be my constant reflection and confession.
Second, I need to give grace to others whose wandering takes different forms. I need to understand they are not wired like I am. I need to notice their early signs of wandering. I need to be ready to welcome them home. I need to go looking for them sooner than I do.
It all reminds me of the story of the Lost Sons in Luke 15. One was lost because he left home. The other was just as lost – even though he stayed home. My sins are far more likely to be his – self-righteousness, judgmentalism, hardness of heart. God help me not to wander, and to love those who do.
But the older I get, the more I realize that’s more of my personality than it is any great spiritual triumph or discipline. That realization opens at least two windows for me. First, I need to recognize that I am equally “prone to wander� as anyone – just in different ways. My wandering is more passive than active. I am among the most likely to read the Bible, pray, sing a hymn, visit the lonely, write a note, perform an act of service, just to check it off my mental or actual “list.� I find myself wandering when my love for God and others is perfunctory, external, going through the motions. This must be my constant reflection and confession.
Second, I need to give grace to others whose wandering takes different forms. I need to understand they are not wired like I am. I need to notice their early signs of wandering. I need to be ready to welcome them home. I need to go looking for them sooner than I do.
It all reminds me of the story of the Lost Sons in Luke 15. One was lost because he left home. The other was just as lost – even though he stayed home. My sins are far more likely to be his – self-righteousness, judgmentalism, hardness of heart. God help me not to wander, and to love those who do.