Day 35 was a relief for me. It seemed to acknowledge the reality that I struggle with a lot. Having a flock that has grown to a size that I can no longer keep up with each ONE. That has been one of the hardest parts of my ministry development.
Some of the difficulty has been that part of me that wan'ts to care for each person. But worse than that I feel guilty for not knowing every one of their names. That gets reinforced by my colleagues in smaller churches, they consider it a mark of a negligent pastor – an uncaring shepherd. There lurks in them a suspicion that I’ve made it all about me and the growing of my kingdom. I have to check that often and count on the Holy Spirit to convict me if that is true. But so far He hasn't.
I understand some of the “remorseful admissions� in the book. I sometimes look back on the early days of the church when I knew 95% of the people in the pews by name and by story. But I try not to miss those days, after all if God is the Chief Shepherd, if God is the Nagid for His church then I figure it’s His fault. He’s the one who assigns us to our spots – some are administrative heads, some chief contractors, some field shepherds. He’s the one who brings the growth and He’s the one who plots the course.
When I went off to seminary I told God that I’d do anything that He wanted me to do. That included being a “rancher�.
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