Wilderness

[youngock]

I had some very difficult times while I grew up in a small town in South Korea. My family could not afford my education. I was forced to stop going to school when I was in 7th grade. I helped my parents make a living doing some chores at farms and orchards. Meanwhile, I was diagnosed to tuberculosis and was told that I had only 10% chance of survival. I also suffered from carbon monoxide intoxication but was resuscitated by a stranger walking by.

I was always a churchgoer when I was young but was not a truly faithful Christian. I considered myself lucky for overcoming many health and financial issues. I also earned a GED while working all day long and studying late into the night. I even furthered my education to college and graduate schools. I thought I was capable to manage my own life until 1996. At that time, I had a successful career as a professor and was preparing to come to George Washington University as a visiting scholar.

Life is unpredictable but I never imagined that I would suffer from an unknown origin of fear. Once I closed my eyes in bed to sleep, I would feel like it was the end of life. When I drove in a tunnel, I felt like it would collapse on me. I could not step into elevators because I felt as though the cables would snap, leaving me falling endlessly. I felt the fear everywhere, even inside my own house. I desperately tried to seek medical help but it did not work for me. This terrible condition continued to bother me for many years, until I realized my calling in 2002. Accepting the call as a shepherd also saved my own life from wilderness.